Freedom without Fight

As another year of Indian Independence commences, my patriotism reaches an all-time high, and the songs and movies fuel my spirit with pride for my motherland. I often wonder why I feel so touched by the freedom struggle. Is it the realisation that we gained freedom after countless fights? Would I still feel patriotic and proud if we gained freedom easily? What if we were always free without any fight?

Considering myself, I find that my freedom has always aligned with India’s. I never felt obliged to fight against specific rules imposed by my parents. I never felt the need to wage wars against a bit of curfew and go to bed on time. 

But recently, I started to find some uncanny restraints. A weird fear every time I step out of the house, the wild traffic and stares of people drilling holes at the back of my head. As I grew older, the news started to scare me, and my head began to cloud with insecurities. I no longer felt free to do certain things. Even though these are simple things, I feel scared to do them in my own country.

Then I got this opportunity to complete my B. Tech degree abroad. My heart beat with excitement at this prospect, but a tiny part of me was sad. Am I ditching my nation? Is my act against the sacrifice of many?

But I crave freedom, like each bird held in any cage. 

What do I expect my freedom to be like? Well, I would get up early and open the windows. Instead of being met with a cloud of smoke, the morning breeze would greet me. 

I then want to get ready for a morning jog. I never ran and was not an athlete in school, but chasing the wind and feeling my heart pump quickly and my legs cramping up feels fun. I never went on a run at home, never plucked up the courage. The pot-holed roads, gravel littered about, and stray animals walking around just demotivated me to stay home.

Then I would be back and get ready for the day. What to wear is always confusing, but worse is that people stating what you are wearing is wrong. It is every individual’s choice to feel comfortable in their skin. I want to be free and not feel insecure walking to my university. Feel secure enough to take public transport without having to worry about the person who might sit next to me. I want to be free to call for help instead of getting a late response from the law.

The courses taught there would align with the ones back home. After all, the sun rises in the east all over. However, there might be academic freedom and the chance to experiment and understand things practically, instead of just making a 'practical file'.

In the evenings, I might go swimming sometimes. It has been three months since I swam, even though I love swimming. Each day, I longed to swim, but the condition of the community pool held me back. I no longer wish to swim in the over-chlorinated water. The open pool is just an invitation to tadpoles, frogs, and water insects. I do not want to visit the horrible changing rooms, so I hold myself back.

On weekends, I can shop for groceries, explore landmarks, visit museums, stores, or the beach. I want to feel free to explore these places on my own instead of being bound by the judgmental looks of strangers.

I do not know when my sense of freedom evolved. Earlier, I was fine with just an independent India. But now I realise that being ruled by our government does not sign off on all fundamental freedoms. 

I want to be free, but I do not know who to fight against when electricity fails to reach me, even though I am paying. I do not know where I should fight to ask for better and safer roads. Who should I defeat to get cleaner air to breathe? Should I fight against my government? I can vote for another party, but which one stands true to its promises? 

And when the government finally passes a bill, the nation stands divided between. The roads are blocked as people sit down to dissent. We want the government to act, but are never happy with the decisions. This fight amongst ourselves is pointless, and it is harming our economy. We are descendants of freedom fighters who have not learnt that the battle was over 78 years ago. Now we need to tend to wounds instead of inflicting new ones.

Is it wrong of me to seek freedom? Freedom without fight is what I have ever wanted, and now I want to take this chance. Is my moving abroad to study an anti-patriotic act? Is it a cruel deceit on my part? I do not know. I love my nation. I tried to volunteer, planted trees, and promoted composting, but each fight felt futile. I want some little things that make me free, and if this opportunity allows me to gain independence, I will surely grab it.

I do not know how my life will be abroad. Who knows, the struggles are too complex, and the conditions are worse than at home, so I have decided to return. But if I feel free enough, I would start labelling myself as a Global Citizen. I loved my nation. But calling ourselves a developing nation since 1947 no longer seems like a flex. I know change is a slow brew, and it may take ages before our nation is free in the true sense. 

Until then, I sought my freedom without a fight. 

Jai Hind