LOTUS: Lots of Tales amongst US: End of a Decade

Here I was blowing off candles on my 20^th Birthday cake.

No longer a kid, no longer a teen;

Still not an adult, just plain ol’ me …

Poetry aside, looking back on my 2 decades I sure have changed in many aspects. A decade ago, I couldn’t have imagined myself writing this blog. At 10, writing was an unknown domain for me. Though 10-year-old me was still a bookworm and would love to learn that one day I would be creating books on my own.

A decade ago, I was learning to dance not realizing I stood no chance there. Now I am trying to strum the guitar strings to a certain 10-minute-long song; who knows another decade past I laugh at this attempt too.

Not much changed about me in a decade. From afar I am still the short-haired, pale, and clumsy girl. Surely, I am taller now and I hope to think have got a glow-up to make the little me proud. I would love to flex in front of her that I am in love with swimming now, a sport she didn’t know anything about.

Or maybe 10-year-old me would frown when I tell her how I forgot to do a handstand or I am no longer reckless.

Did I grow up to be a wise mature woman? No, I am still somewhat stuck in my teenage tantrum era. My years through high school and three college semesters have surely made me academically wiser than the 10-year-old version of me. And gave me a glimpse of a real hard life. Sometimes the Peter Pan syndrome hits and I just want to be under 20. It's easy and simple being a kid.

So, what if I had a bedtime back then, now I miss my bed during exam time. It's tough living in a hostel, managing yourself, taking pills on your own if you fall sick, going down to feed yourself, setting up your things.

I am finally getting a taste of being independent and honestly, I would just tell the teenage me that it is not worth fighting for. Earlier, I was stopped by my parents sometimes, but now I have to say no on my behalf.

It’s a bittersweet moment looking back at my teenage years, I think about going back sometimes but I know that I would not truly be happy.

I have lived the last decade through the dark days and the sunny ones, the slow boring ones, and the wild ride ones. What excites me more is the wonder of my 20s. I know it's all going to be tougher now. But so am I, I am a lot stronger and tougher now and want to experience it all.

All the things left to do will be explored in this decade. And of course, I know one thing for sure. I want to keep writing for decades to come. And it would be wonderful if you keep coming along on my journey. (Drop a smiley reaction if you read till here).

Presently I find it hard to digest whether I am 20. I still feel like how I felt a month ago. Does a date grow us up? Or is it particular instances, like being remembered by just close friends on your birthday that make you 20? Or is it sleeping late and still getting up early because you have last-minute assignments? Or being 20 is being emotional at everything your parents do for you and getting that uncanny urge to repay them but then hitting the ultimate realization that their efforts are priceless.

Every year I grow up and look back I see how I have changed remotely on the outside. It's like wearing a new outfit but inside I am still as I was as a 5-year-old, at 10, at 12, and entering my teens. However, I hoped that I would face all the drama as depicted in teenage fiction novels or Disney shows. But surprisingly college held far more of those troubles.

Well, better late than never.

I still believe in a lot of things I did a decade ago. May it be Hogwarts, Narnia, or the fairytales. For me, they all exist. After all, the Multiverse is a concept we know frighteningly little about.

Who knows authors and writers are nothing but multiverse travellers penning down stories of a different world and selling them in a separate world. (Well, about time for me to go picking ideas from the multiverse)

Finally, I come out of my thoughts to look at my friends gathered around the cake, even though the circle has shrunk substantially, I know quality always precedes quantity. Before I could spring out a heartfelt gratitude speech to my friends, they attacked my face with cake and I had to do the cakewalk to the washroom.

Wiping my face clean, I look in the mirror and I catch a glimpse of 10 years old me. She has a playful look in her eyes as she winks at me. I know she will forever be cuter but deep down I know she hopes that each decade I will grow prettier, stronger, wiser, and more unique.

So, I smile back at her and learn to accept myself because I am her hero. I am the future for my past and being happy today will make my future smile.

It's indeed the end of a decade but the start of an age for me. And, I thank you for walking along with me on this journey.