A Phony Obsession

He came into my life when I was going to begin college. I had never been this free in my life. So free, so full of joy and energy. Then he walked straight into my arms, and I found a new emotion: obsession.

 

Being obsessed with my first-ever phone made me blissful. I was very clumsy with it at first; I kept forgetting to charge it, and I used to ignore it for hours.

 

But our love blossomed slowly as I discovered WhatsApp was not the only social media platform. When I came on the trending Instagram, I realized what it was like to be one of the cool kids. And that is how this phony love grew more assertive.

 

Being on the phone for hours, I realized no one could ever be bored. It was a wonderful place to escape, too. The phone is everything: your alarm clock, your calculator, your connection to the extremes of the world, your newspaper, radio, television, textbooks, and even your teacher. Everything can be done on this rectangular palm-sized screen.

 

Of course, I knew better than extending old relationships when I started college, so I removed Instagram from my phone—keeping the lesser of the two evils.

 

Little did I know that my WhatsApp would be filled with so many groups in college. A primary group is created and then branches into sub-groups and sub-subgroups to discuss people absent there.

 

It was like an entire society flourishing there.

 

I admit I was nervous about texting at first. It felt weird sealing deals and discussing things in texts. Should we not meet offline to discuss it?

 

Then I started typing it in just a few messages but as a writer, I found this exhilarating. Offline, I have always remained an introvert. But texting was all about wordplay and the right timing.

 

The phone became my new shield. There is no need to make eye contact to get to people. Texting helps me be a new me. I could not see anyone’s judgemental looks, and their jokes on me seemed small when typed in words, I could delete any part of a conversation, re-think about what to type, use emojis when I get bored of expressing my emotions, and be much cooler than I really am.

 

I was slow to realize this made me even more hooked on my phone. I got urges to hold it and switch it on and off like a pacifier.

 

I felt so much in my skin with it. It changed me; I felt so connected to the real world. I was no longer zoning off into fictitious adventures. People heard and loved me in the real world because now I was too a phone-hooked Gen-Z.

 

It is funny that I started as an amateur but soon left many of my friends behind. I was very instant with my replies, but they took hours to reply to me.

 

They may have had a heavy class schedule or too much workload. But then summer vacation began, and people took even longer to respond. The old insecurities started to creep back in. What if everyone hates me? Maybe they have even created a hate group for me—or worse, a meme page.

 

I know I have this Main Character energy, thinking that the script revolves around me, but I cannot help it when replies come after 5 -6 hours.

 

This made me wonder if I was addicted to my phone. My parents often pointed this out, but I brushed it off.

 

But then I thought about the last time I lived without my phone. It was before I got it around 12 months ago. So, indeed, I can survive 12 hours without my phone now.

 

The day I chose to be off my phone, I woke up at 6 am. Terrible choice, well not cause, see, the logic was I would be able to use my phone at 6 pm. See, it seemed so close.

 

Until 9 am, I was fine. But then I felt my first hunger pang as it was morning milk and phone time. I fall asleep early, so I must read all the discussions, gossip, and scandals discussed overnight in the morning. Now you think that day I finally got the time to be uncaged and spent my time drinking my cup of milk peacefully while going out for a stroll in a garden and even singing with the birds.

 

No, not at all; what am I, Cinderella? Nope. I just spent a sad time being bored and edgy.

 

I had to keep reminding myself of the challenge. At 10 am my brain was going frantic about the critical emails. I had to remind it that no publisher would message you. You are not being affiliated with the Nobel Prize because we missed the deadline for filling out the form. You are too young to be announced as the PM.

After 15 minutes, my brain had another issue: What if my friends were worried about me? What if I was required for some work? I had to remind myself that I am not Batman and that the world does not need saving. Moreover, there is an option for phone calls; I will be called if I am wanted that much.

Then again, my brain screamed, what if some vital, urgent message came? It was tough to tell it to calm down. It is as tough as keeping a teenage girl away from her boyfriend.

 

By noon, I was coming up with flimsy excuses like my Duolingo streak and YouTube Web Dev tutorials. I literally watched it one day; why would I need to continue it today, of all the days?

 

I knew I had to up my game to succeed, and I did what every sane person would do: read the entire novel Kite Runner in six hours. Then, I spent two hours getting over my hangover and writing its book review.

 

I finally realized that it was 8 pm, my curfew was over, and I could return to the digital world.

Oh God, my phone was bombarded with texts.

 

People talked and discussed things, sharing reels and jokes, and the world kept moving. No one seemed a bit anxious that I was phone-dead the entire day.

 

I got a nasty blow on my ego that day.

 Did I chuck my phone away? No.

 

All I learned was that it was all for show. We are not at all connected by our mobiles. Not only me but everyone, even you, are using it as a façade, a mask to put on a fake self forward.

 

In Artificial Intelligence’s grand scheme of world domination, we thought AI was trying to become human, but what if it was a step ahead and turned us into Artificial Dumbness?

 

Scary thought to explore as I pick up my phone again.