A Roll of Die

The stout Real Estate agent huffed as he climbed the tiny stairs to the second floor. I hoped he would not roll down on me. The place already felt charged with negative energy without adding my spirit to the pool.

The landing was small, and a single door stood at the top with a shiny lock that appeared to have been installed recently. The key slid in smoothly and opened with the first turn as if the apartment was beckoning me in.

“Here we are, mister, a nice, snug home.” the retailer entered and flicked on the lights. The lights fluttered a bit, and I was sure I saw him standing near the sofa, but he was gone in the blink of an eye. I

 shook my head; no, it can’t be true; there is no one. My heart thudded horribly, and my palms grew sweaty. I forced them to shut into fists and looked up at the agent, who gave me suspicious looks.

I tried to plaster a smile as I said, “Looks good, can you show me around?”

Within 5 minutes, the tour was over, and we were back at the front door. I handed him the check, though my hand shook a bit, thinking about how my account would now be down to its last penny. I would have to work hard for the next month's rent if only things didn’t turn out this way. I was good at shutting my thoughts.

 

I sat on the couch, and it creaked under my weight. The cheapness of the flat was ticking me off each second. My fingers etched for the TV remote, but I knew it was now a novelty I couldn’t earn.

Sitting desolate, my eyes fell on an old box under the table. Strange, maybe the previous owner left it behind. I picked it up, and outside the black box carved in the corner were the words, ‘Just a roll.’

 

A shiver ran down my spine. I knew what it was; the box slid from my shaking hands and fell on the table. I could hear his laughter. I clamped my ears shut. Trying to keep him out of my head to forget all the memories. I stood and backed away from the table.

I walked into the small kitchen and tried to fill a glass of water to calm my nerves. My phone rang, and I made a small jump. Then, I clumsily took it out of my pocket.

Her name popped on the screen. A single name would well up so many emotions inside me; the biggest was guilt. I picked up the call, and the voice I fell in love with 3 years ago spoke, “We need to talk.”

“Please don’t,” I replied.

I know I messed up with this reply, but being left in the cold for 3 days, I didn’t know how to react. I wanted to apologize, but words failed me.

I came up with the lamest response, “I am sorry.”

She sighed, “I am coming to you with the papers and your stuff.”

I tried another attempt, “Please don’t leave.”

But she had already hung up.

Shock surged through my body, and then he came; he finally came. He wore a decent suit, crisp as always; his dark eyes stared deeply as he gave his signature smile. A smile that said, ‘I got your back.’

Anger surged through my veins. I threw my phone at him, but he caught it and placed it calmly on the table.

He said, “Now, Josh, why are you throwing a tantrum.”

“You left me there; I lost everything.”

“Yeah, it's true you lost your cars, business, house, and now even your marriage.” He smirked.

His mockery made me angrier, “It's all because of you; I won’t fall for it; just go, just go, go.” I started to mutter repeatedly.

The anger had faded quite quickly, and depression was clouding my mind; all I could see was darkness everywhere.

His words, as always, broke the gloom.

“You can have it all back, my friend, just a roll to turn it all.”

 

I shouldn’t have risen from the ground and walked to the coffee table to open the box. It was like that ill-fated day when my feet guided themselves. I went to the big building with sparkling marble and golden lights. It's a posh place with high stakes. I always won here. They knew it from long ago. My wife Lucia didn’t; she got angry about finding out. She should stop crying; this place is why she could afford everything at any store.

I went to the table where the game was laid. It is luck, they say, that’s how I win. I won because of him, but he didn’t come that day, and I lost.

I am sitting in my broken apartment in front of the game like I was that day. He gave me a screwed smile. “It’s your turn.” And I picked the dice to win him back.

As the game progressed, my head started to clear. The doctor's visit helped little compared to this. The doctor just informed me and told me he was not there. But he is; he comes every time, trains me, and then we become winners in all the games outside. I felt a smile tug on my lips as I started to gain up on him; I would win.

 

I grabbed the dice excitedly but heard a knock on the door. Julia knocked again, shouting, “John, open the door.” I looked at him sheepishly, and he shrugged and gestured to open the door. I opened the door and stood in the frame to prevent her from seeing him.

She stared at me, as beautiful as ever, and I complimented her, “You look good.”

“You look rough.”

After an awkward pause, I looked at the two bags at her feet.

“Julia, please let's talk about this.”

“Here are the papers; just sign them, and no court will be involved.”

I gaped at her like a goldfish. She was turning away, probably to wait in her car until I signed this up.

In sheer panic, I opened the door and said, “Please wait inside.”

She sighed but agreed. As soon as I crossed the threshold, her body froze, and I felt like a fool as he was still sitting there, smiling his sly smile.

She started to shout, “You said you stopped; you said you won’t do it.”

“Julia, please hear me out.”

She was getting delirious, “You are an addict; what else are you lying about?”

“Julia, calm down!”

Julia stood and shouted; he watched, amused.

I looked at him as he stood, straightened his jacket, and said, “Well, looks like the show is over; we can count the points.”

 

“No,” I shouted.

Julia stopped and looked at where I was pointing at him.

I said, “The game is not over yet; I am still left to roll this dice.”

“You have gone crazy.” She started to back out of the flat.

I reached and held her hand, “Listen, I know I lost, but this die will win it all back. He said it will.”

She replied aghast, “There is no one here.” And then walked out.

I grabbed her on the edge of the stairs, but she was not in the right state of mind as she wrestled with me. I didn’t push her, but she fell, even the die flew out of my hand.

The die rolled down with her screams. I rushed after them.

Her breathing was shallow as she weakly called for help. But I cried from pain as I lost the game, and his laughter filled my head, and this time, I couldn’t shut my brain.

End of a Decade

Here I was blowing off candles on my 20^th Birthday cake.

 

No longer a kid, no longer a teen;

Still not an adult, just plain ol’ me …

 

Poetry aside, looking back on my 2 decades I sure have changed in many aspects. A decade ago, I couldn’t have imagined myself writing this blog. At 10, writing was an unknown domain for me. Though 10-year-old me was still a bookworm and would love to learn that one day I would be creating books on my own.

A decade ago, I was learning to dance not realizing I stood no chance there. Now I am trying to strum the guitar strings to a certain 10-minute-long song; who knows another decade past I laugh at this attempt too.

Not much changed about me in a decade. From afar I am still the short-haired, pale, and clumsy girl. Surely, I am taller now and I hope to think have got a glow-up to make the little me proud. I would love to flex in front of her that I am in love with swimming now, a sport she didn’t know anything about.

 

Or maybe 10-year-old me would frown when I tell her how I forgot to do a handstand or I am no longer reckless.

Did I grow up to be a wise mature woman? No, I am still somewhat stuck in my teenage tantrum era. My years through high school and three college semesters have surely made me academically wiser than the 10-year-old version of me. And gave me a glimpse of a real hard life. Sometimes the Peter Pan syndrome hits and I just want to be under 20. It's easy and simple being a kid.

So, what if I had a bedtime back then, now I miss my bed during exam time. It's tough living in a hostel, managing yourself, taking pills on your own if you fall sick, going down to feed yourself, setting up your things.

 

I am finally getting a taste of being independent and honestly, I would just tell the teenage me that it is not worth fighting for. Earlier, I was stopped by my parents sometimes, but now I have to say no on my behalf.

 

It’s a bittersweet moment looking back at my teenage years, I think about going back sometimes but I know that I would not truly be happy.

 

I have lived the last decade through the dark days and the sunny ones, the slow boring ones, and the wild ride ones. What excites me more is the wonder of my 20s. I know it's all going to be tougher now. But so am I, I am a lot stronger and tougher now and want to experience it all.

All the things left to do will be explored in this decade. And of course, I know one thing for sure. I want to keep writing for decades to come. And it would be wonderful if you keep coming along on my journey. (Drop a smiley reaction if you read till here).

 

Presently I find it hard to digest whether I am 20. I still feel like how I felt a month ago. Does a date grow us up? Or is it particular instances, like being remembered by just close friends on your birthday that make you 20? Or is it sleeping late and still getting up early because you have last-minute assignments? Or being 20 is being emotional at everything your parents do for you and getting that uncanny urge to repay them but then hitting the ultimate realization that their efforts are priceless.

 

Every year I grow up and look back I see how I have changed remotely on the outside. It's like wearing a new outfit but inside I am still as I was as a 5-year-old, at 10, at 12, and entering my teens. However, I hoped that I would face all the drama as depicted in teenage fiction novels or Disney shows. But surprisingly college held far more of those troubles.

Well, better late than never.

 

I still believe in a lot of things I did a decade ago. May it be Hogwarts, Narnia, or the fairytales. For me, they all exist. After all, the Multiverse is a concept we know frighteningly little about.

 

Who knows authors and writers are nothing but multiverse travellers penning down stories of a different world and selling them in a separate world. (Well, about time for me to go picking ideas from the multiverse)

 

Finally, I come out of my thoughts to look at my friends gathered around the cake, even though the circle has shrunk substantially, I know quality always precedes quantity. Before I could spring out a heartfelt gratitude speech to my friends, they attacked my face with cake and I had to do the cakewalk to the washroom.

 

Wiping my face clean, I look in the mirror and I catch a glimpse of 10 years old me. She has a playful look in her eyes as she winks at me. I know she will forever be cuter but deep down I know she hopes that each decade I will grow prettier, stronger, wiser, and more unique.

 

So, I smile back at her and learn to accept myself because I am her hero. I am the future for my past and being happy today will make my future smile.

 

It's indeed the end of a decade but the start of an age for me. And, I thank you for walking along with me on this journey.

Decoration credits to my dear roomies: Shine and Ashu

HitchHiked

                                                  

I am honestly not the kind of girl who would be standing on the side of a deserted country road, wearing a sequel studded party dress with dumb borrowed heels and a stolen, broken-down car. And yes, as bad luck goes, there is no signal to call for help. Not that I am super hyped to call up my dad…who happens to be a cop and would find each statement proof of me committing a fatal crime.

 

I felt angry at my ‘friends’ for lying about this being a birthday party at just one of their homes. Seeing the club and the people in it, I realized they wanted me to be a designated driver, and yes, I decided to ditch them all early. I planned on driving to their home, returning their car, and returning to my place, but then here I was with a broken plan and a broken car.

 

Just when I contemplated sleeping inside the car for the rest of the night, a pair of headlights shone off the opposite side of the road. A big black car pulled up right next to me, the windows rolled down, and there was the high school jock, the athletic and sandy-haired cool boy with a heart-melting smile, but for me, he would always remain a curly-haired spectacle hidden timid boy who was once my best friend.

 

George Melson flashed me his perfect smile and said, “Want a ride, fair maiden.” I rolled my eyes, decided to let go of my anger, and agreed to sit. After all, we were neighbors, and even though his actions from a year ago annoyed me, he could not be the worst person to hitchhike with.

 

Settling in the car, I felt instant warmth from the heater, and all the initial mistrust melted away. George started the car, “To be honest, the party was a bit boring; I left early, too.” Boring was not what I would define it as; I preferred being in less crowded places, so yes, it was painful. But of course, I just nodded at him.

 

The awkwardness in the car settled in even more solid than the fog flowing outside the window. My mind was racing madly with all the flashbacks, and I was counting the minutes to be out of it.

 

George cleared his throat, “See, I just wanted to talk to you…”

“I don’t,” I replied tartly.

He sighed, “It was totally out of place for me to…”

I interrupted, “Can this conversation not even occur? It doesn’t matter; I don’t care what you thought or did.”

He replied, “But I wanted to apologize.”

“Well, it’s too late for it.”

I ignored him completely; I knew I was rude. It was his car, and he practically saved me from a frostbite and death sentence from my father, but hey, he hurt me, and I hurt him; it is as fair as the world goes.

 

But somehow, he would not give up, “Amy, please, I know that you are not creepy; I just said it impulsively.”

“You didn’t; it was not a joke.”

“No, I really…”

“Everyone already thinks of me as a super weird person. I just had one friend, and I know you hung out with me cause your mother forced you to. But it has been years since I have been using my mom's card, and there is no more card to keep you as a friend. I can very well enjoy myself.”

“That’s not true; I liked being your friend.”

Anger finally slid into me, “Yeah, that did not stop you from saying I have creepy behavior in front of your ‘new friends.’ What was I, an entry ticket in the cool group? You know what? Just stop the car, and I will walk from here.”

“Amy, please don’t, I just got to…”

“Stop the car.”

“Amy…”

“Look out, you will hit her,” I lunged forward to grab the steering from his hands and steered a sharp turn to the right to avoid hitting the girl. The car spun as George hit the brakes.

 

My head started to spin, and then I blacked out.

 

I woke to my mind still holding that girl’s face; her pale face had strands of her red hair falling as if she had run a marathon, and her eyes were wide with fear as she screamed.

“Amy, Amy…” I shot up to George, shaking me wildly. He hugged me, and I pushed him back, “what happened to her?”

“What happened to whom? “He replied, worry and confusion in his voice.

“There was a girl on the side of the road; you almost hit her.”

“No one was out there; I don’t know why you pulled the steering; I know you hate me, but…”

“It’s not about you,” sighing in frustration, I opened the door and rushed out of the car; walking back, I could see the deserted countryside heavily sheltered in the fog.

The cold, still air was making the back of my neck tingle. George walked behind me; he spoke cautiously, “Amy, I don’t know what you saw; there was no one on the road; please believe me; I promise I won’t talk to you. Let me take you to your home safely; I don’t think you are feeling well.”

I was too shocked to react to his words and let him steer me back to his car. My heart pounded as I remembered that girl in the tiniest details; it was not a play of fog. It was as if something out of my worst nightmares. Everything about my current situation made my heart race miles per hour. The warmth in the car seemed fake now; coldness spread through my heart as a story started to piece together.

 

My father does not tell me the sadness and cruelty of the world he deals with as a policeman, but I am good at overhearing things occasionally. A year ago, a serial killing started in our town; the police have not been able to track them yet, as they are good at hiding their trail. But the victims have been high-school girls, and as much as I can recall, one of them was a red-headed; she was not my friend, but being a cheerleader, she was a part of the cool gang. I could not help piecing more things together as George tinkered with the radio. How long did he start going out to parties? Did he find them boring, or did he…Suddenly, his humming the song to the radio made me jump a little. He gave me a surprised look; I smiled back and looked out the window.

 

Was it the ghost of the girl I saw? What was she telling me? My mind screamed you are going to be next. I thought to clear my head, but dread was overpowering me. Did the police not suspect the getaway vehicle to be a black car? What if he kept the bodies here? Is that why perfume was overpowering the car?

 

A noise in the trunk made my heart skip a beat, “What was that?”

He shrugged, “Probably some tools dad keeps, nothing to worry about.”

The more he said everything was fine, the more wrong I saw. But the survival instinct started to kick in. My dad once gifted me a pocket knife, and I quietly slid it into my palm.

My hunch was based on my being paranoid, but it is better to be safe than sorry. Taking out my phone, I acted as if I was casually scrolling while sending a SOS to Dad. I hope he was on patrol duty nearby.

I kept my eyes on the road, scared of him taking a detour. “How long will it take?”

“It’s a long way back,” he replied casually.

“Didn’t take this long for us to come here. Are you sure we are not lost?”

“Amy, this is the only way.”

It is true he did not take any turns, but what if when I fainted? How long was I blacked out? Being in a moving vehicle was ending my chances of survival.

“Stop the car.”

He looked puzzled, “Amy, please, we have been over this. I won’t ever hurt you again.”

Saying so, he put his hand on my leg, and in a fraction of a second, I placed a sharp cut on his wrist. I did not know what had taken over me, but my body had just gone overdrive.

He pulled back from me, swearing and cursing, cradling his arm; I wrapped my hands around the handbrake, curled up, and held onto my seat. His eyes registered what would happen, but he was too late to act as his head hit the dashboard on the impact.

 

I opened the door and started to run until I saw the red-blue lights of the patrol car.

***

The press had a field day as the town councilor gave the answers that the serial killer had been killed. I sat close to my father, the medal heavy on my chest but lighter the heaviness of my heart.

I remember how the police knocked down George’s home and broke the news to his parents; seeing his mother cry, I felt horrible.

 

I remember asking my dad, “I just want to apologize.”

He said, “Sorry, won’t set it right.”

“Then what will.”

“Nothing, they already lost their son when he became a monster.”

I am a hero; I slayed the monster when he was ranting about killing all those girls and me being the next victim. The weird girl was the popular one now.

But I was devastated, not because I lost my friend and he got maimed, but now that they caught the ‘killer’ I would end up losing my new hobby.

Like

Detective John had spent 20 years scouting and solving the gravest and twisted mysteries, and seeing a massacre in front of him did not let the coffee and waffles he had in breakfast come out instead; his heartbeat quickened, and the old saggy muscles of his middle-aged body flexed with power that no Zumba class would ever do for him. Being on a case made him alive, and solving it even earlier than the new recruits gave him a hike in pride.

 

‘It’s the fourth case as this, sir,’ squeaked his assistant, a skinny 20-year-old barely out of college. He started earlier than this boy but has never squeaked around his boss. No, he believed in solving the case independently from the start. It is a shame, though, how the panel thought of putting him on any case when at least four people have died. All the unnecessary drama could have been avoided.

 

‘I want all the case files on my desk.’

‘Already placed, sir, but they have nothing in common. The killer is going on a mad killing spree.’

John let out a dry laugh, ‘No serial killer works without a pattern. You need to be mad enough to see it.’

 

A 60-plus widower living with her two cats and a tenant on the top floor who was out that weekend was killed. Next up is a co-corporate man in his 30s, with a healthy relationship with his finances and a good luxury apartment.

Then, there was a college student with a low profile, meager savings, and no drug cases or police records. And finally, married women with caring husbands and two kids.

 

Four victims with no physical contact or any relation in any aspect. No particular age or same gender. No mutual friends or enemies. There are no timeline clashes of any kind. It's like they might have never even met on the road.

 

But all received the same cruel death. All were attacked, drugged, and had their hearts surgically removed before their bodies were switched close. Apparently, a medical expert had attacked them.

 

The killer had struck at odd times when all of them were reported to be alone in their homes. The forensics team came up with no evidence at all the crime scenes.

 

Laying all the facts around his table, John could build a jigsaw puzzle. Somehow, the killer had delivered all the pieces to him, but one small piece had been lost somewhere. And that held the answer to the entire mystery.

‘What are the updates from the organ smuggling department.’

‘No smuggling of Human hearts has taken place anywhere nearby.’

‘After 6 hours, that heart is useless anyways. So, why are they keeping them.’

‘Maybe they are making a trophy collection, sir.’

‘Read less of old hunter stories and give me a tech update.’

‘Well, out of the four victims, two had CCTV cameras installed around their house, and both show a delivery person knocking on the door and leaving the place without giving the parcel.’

 

‘And I assume the parcel gets filled with a heart when he leaves.’

‘Yes, sir, though we cannot track him, and his description is hidden under his mask and goggles.’

‘Obviously’

‘Though now we have issued a warning not to let in any unknown delivery personnel.’

‘Yes, this would stop him.’

The intern was still babbling about their phones and search history. But John was zoned off now and imagining what had happened. A knock on the door, a surprise package, an attack on the head from behind, and after the murder, leaving unbothered.

 

Two things were clear: the killer was good at medical procedures but weak in technology because he kept the CCTV footage alive. This made him a middle-aged person. Probably a male for brute strength and cold-blooded, messy murder. But then, one can never be sure.

Why he was collecting hearts was another question. What was the strange obsession with hearts?

The killer no doubt was fearless to go on a killing spree in such a small town. In Metros, it's easier to hide, but here, he would be caught soon enough. One flaw, and down he goes.

 

But he thought of the killer’s aloofness too soon as the phone rang to report another attack.

 

This time, it had occurred in broad daylight in the backroom of a busy restaurant. Ironically, the young waitress was alone to receive the afternoon’s food delivery, and all the rest were engaged in lunch preparations.

 

Even standing and taking everyone’s report, John knew the killer had gone with his delivery long ago.

After a grueling brainstorming for half a day and witnessing the bodies of 2 victims, fatigue and frustration had both caught up to him. Sliding into a café, he ordered coffee to calm his thoughts. His phone was buzzing with all the news edits of the case. Soon, the reporters will make this a national emergency and cause widespread panic.

 

It's a good thing they had not started hounding him for questions. He considered the flies buzzing around the case an unnecessary distraction and a way to idolize the killer’s actions.

 

The attention is what they all want these days. Even these people on social media attract an audience waiting for their likes. But it's fun scrolling, and on days as such, it's even relaxing. He even felt generous enough to like a few videos. There is no need to be ashamed. After all, everyone is attracted to social media. ‘Everyone.’ The pieces fell into place as he stood up and took out his phone. ‘Yeah, I am interested to hear about their phones now.’

 

His desk had a laptop this time, and the intern was hacking into all accounts. ‘

‘Search for the common follower they have.’

‘There is no one, sir. The old lady did not follow anyone.’

‘It is not an influencer or a big shot person. It is an attention seeker we are dealing with, and he hates the fact that he is a nobody. But he got obsessed with the ones who liked. Check into their last liked videos. They all liked the same person’s video.’

 

‘Not video, sir, his painting.’ The intern turned the screen to show the artist who became a killer.

 

‘Why is he not even hiding his location? We can send an arrest team now.’

‘Well, I thought he was not a technical guy. It looks like he kept technology in place so that his actions are known. He went out to collect the hearts he got as likes. He wants fame, but he will not get it. We will ensure a quiet arrest and case closed.’

‘What about the media, sir?’

‘Tell them it’s a story they won’t like.’

The Crimson Knife

I woke up feeling dizzy and strange. My head was heavy, and sweat clung to the back of my shirt. My throat was parched as if I had a severe fever. 

In my delirious state, I looked around for my phone. I tried to turn it on, but it was unresponsive. I attempted to get up from my bed, but every part of my body ached and screamed in the process. 

Trying to fight off the nausea, I ended up vomiting in the waste bucket. Blinking away the black spots in my eyes, I reached for my desk and charged my phone. Sitting on my chair, I looked around my small dorm, trying to remember where I was last night, but I drew a blank. 

I remembered the entire day until 7:00 pm, and after that, there was nothing. Unlike my usually messy room, it was even more chaotic and dirty, which was unusual for me.

I started to clean off the mess of papers on my desk, and on removing just one layer, I felt like throwing up again as a crimson-stained knife lay there. My hands trembled as I started to reach for it but stopped midway. All the spy movies made me wise enough not to leave imprints on the murder weapon. But whose blood was it? The bigger question was: did I kill them? 

I tried to go back in time, scrolling on my phone for answers but found nothing. 

Looking down my window, I saw no one in the hallway on a Sunday at 7 am. 

Upon further inspection, I found no one’s body in my room. I might be strong, but my gut was not strong enough to drag and dispose of a body. 

After clearing all the mess in my room, I found no clues. I felt more confused than ever. 

Even if I did murder someone, why would I bring back the murder weapon with me? Shouldn’t I have left it back at the crime spot or disposed of it somewhere carefully? 

Maybe someone is trying to frame me. What if they killed my enemy and were planning to make me the number one suspect? Would I be playing into their hands by hiding the knife?

Should I be downright honest and tell the authorities everything? But even I'm not convinced by my story; 12 hours of my life are a blur. I have no alibis to back me up. 

Could it be possible that someone drugged me to set up this game? Or maybe that’s not blood but crimson paint, and I am the butt of the joke, and they are all waiting to laugh at me. 

It wouldn't be the first time I've been laughed at. Being overweight and slow doesn't help you fit in. I stand out and am always judged and mocked. 

I eat a salad; they say it's about time I started to diet. I eat a sandwich and order another, and they say one would never be enough. They say if I don't exercise, shouldn't my brain be like Einstein's? 

In their glares and mockery, I find solace in this chair. As I stare at the knife, I feel the weight settle on my shoulders. One deep cut is all it takes, and maybe by evening, they would come to help me, but the doctors would say they were 20 hours too late.

Painting a Story

 

A painting holds a million stories.

As a writer, all I knew was how to paint with words. I never really understood how a painting can do the work of a story. All it indeed is a drawn-out photograph of a scene frozen in time. Sometimes, it is just a splatter of colors.

I know this first stanza left all the painters annoyed by me. What I meant to say was that I was clueless about the power of paint.

 

That’s why I never really went to any art galleries. I am more of a museum or library person. But when my friend, an avid sketch artist, brought up the art gallery of Vincent Van Gogh. I was indeed intrigued. Firstly, I knew about his painting ‘The Starry Night.’ I won a small bookmark for it at a college fest. Secondly, the exhibition was happening in Chandigarh so I could go on my first friend's trip.

 I love traveling and exploring but have never traveled with my friends. I mean, school trips don’t count, do they? They are fun in a controlled way, with hands at the back, walking in lines, no goofing about, and the itinerary is too rigid.

I wanted to experience a friend's trip, and if it meant reading paintings for the day, I was sure on board.

 

We had wisely chosen Saturday for our trip so that we could study on Sunday. The last bit didn’t work out that well, but we did beat the crowd on Saturday.

 

The trouble was we were short on Photographers. My friend and I have zero patience to capture pictures, and I also have an embarrassing urge to be the model each time. Neither did we have a good phone for pictures.

But in the end, the pictures came out fantastic. Maybe it was necessity taking hold or Van Gogh’s aura overpowering us.

 

Traveling with an art nerd meant that as soon as the immersive projector threw on his next painting, I would get an in-depth description of why he created that art piece. Seeing the colors and lighting was fun, but at a deeper level, I felt Van Gogh was just a storyteller. He used his paintings to tell his life and draw down his hopes and aspirations. He lived so many years ago that people can assume what he must be thinking then. Maybe he just created art without overthinking about it. It's like a story without a title. Perhaps he painted because he wanted to get out of the routine. And now, years later, we have gauged stories out of it. After all, it's human nature to seek a happily ever after everywhere.

 

As the colors spurred and merged, I just tried to soak in the wholeness of the moment.

 

I was living the Starry Night in real life. Then, I was standing at a crossroads on the field.

 

I couldn’t help but feel baffled at how artists were locked up in Asylums in that era. In the end, maybe all these crafts are witchcraft. They come with magic of a kind that can turn our minds senile.

If Van Gogh lived today, he would be a Pioneer or perhaps just another street artist trying to find fame on YouTube. It's funny how luck and destiny tick.

 

Sometimes, I wonder if I am crazy for my art, too. Maybe not, because I juggle with my engineering day job, but at nights or quiet weekend mornings when I perch on my desk with my pen, I feel my power course down through it. I understand how Van Gogh felt sitting in his tiny cell, cut off from everyone, but still feeling the urge to draw, paint, and tell stories. It's what makes us feel so alive.

 

Gogh was even a writer, as he had penned many letters for his reference. After a decade of artwork, he was gone. The hate finally took its toll, and he crumbled to his fall.

 

Now, the very same society worships him for his art. But when such artists live among us, we find them queer. And history has repeated itself a lot over time. The names change, but the aristocrats remain.

 

As sunflowers sprang up around the exhibit, I vowed to appreciate all the creative people around me. Ultimately, we are all storytellers trying to make this worldly life fun and beautiful for everyone.

 

 

A Phony Obsession

He came into my life when I was going to begin college. I had never been this free in my life. So free, so full of joy and energy. Then he walked straight into my arms, and I found a new emotion: obsession.

 

Being obsessed with my first-ever phone made me blissful. I was very clumsy with it at first; I kept forgetting to charge it, and I used to ignore it for hours.

 

But our love blossomed slowly as I discovered WhatsApp was not the only social media platform. When I came on the trending Instagram, I realized what it was like to be one of the cool kids. And that is how this phony love grew more assertive.

 

Being on the phone for hours, I realized no one could ever be bored. It was a wonderful place to escape, too. The phone is everything: your alarm clock, your calculator, your connection to the extremes of the world, your newspaper, radio, television, textbooks, and even your teacher. Everything can be done on this rectangular palm-sized screen.

 

Of course, I knew better than extending old relationships when I started college, so I removed Instagram from my phone—keeping the lesser of the two evils.

 

Little did I know that my WhatsApp would be filled with so many groups in college. A primary group is created and then branches into sub-groups and sub-subgroups to discuss people absent there.

 

It was like an entire society flourishing there.

 

I admit I was nervous about texting at first. It felt weird sealing deals and discussing things in texts. Should we not meet offline to discuss it?

 

Then I started typing it in just a few messages but as a writer, I found this exhilarating. Offline, I have always remained an introvert. But texting was all about wordplay and the right timing.

 

The phone became my new shield. There is no need to make eye contact to get to people. Texting helps me be a new me. I could not see anyone’s judgemental looks, and their jokes on me seemed small when typed in words, I could delete any part of a conversation, re-think about what to type, use emojis when I get bored of expressing my emotions, and be much cooler than I really am.

 

I was slow to realize this made me even more hooked on my phone. I got urges to hold it and switch it on and off like a pacifier.

 

I felt so much in my skin with it. It changed me; I felt so connected to the real world. I was no longer zoning off into fictitious adventures. People heard and loved me in the real world because now I was too a phone-hooked Gen-Z.

 

It is funny that I started as an amateur but soon left many of my friends behind. I was very instant with my replies, but they took hours to reply to me.

 

They may have had a heavy class schedule or too much workload. But then summer vacation began, and people took even longer to respond. The old insecurities started to creep back in. What if everyone hates me? Maybe they have even created a hate group for me—or worse, a meme page.

 

I know I have this Main Character energy, thinking that the script revolves around me, but I cannot help it when replies come after 5 -6 hours.

 

This made me wonder if I was addicted to my phone. My parents often pointed this out, but I brushed it off.

 

But then I thought about the last time I lived without my phone. It was before I got it around 12 months ago. So, indeed, I can survive 12 hours without my phone now.

 

The day I chose to be off my phone, I woke up at 6 am. Terrible choice, well not cause, see, the logic was I would be able to use my phone at 6 pm. See, it seemed so close.

 

Until 9 am, I was fine. But then I felt my first hunger pang as it was morning milk and phone time. I fall asleep early, so I must read all the discussions, gossip, and scandals discussed overnight in the morning. Now you think that day I finally got the time to be uncaged and spent my time drinking my cup of milk peacefully while going out for a stroll in a garden and even singing with the birds.

 

No, not at all; what am I, Cinderella? Nope. I just spent a sad time being bored and edgy.

 

I had to keep reminding myself of the challenge. At 10 am my brain was going frantic about the critical emails. I had to remind it that no publisher would message you. You are not being affiliated with the Nobel Prize because we missed the deadline for filling out the form. You are too young to be announced as the PM.

After 15 minutes, my brain had another issue: What if my friends were worried about me? What if I was required for some work? I had to remind myself that I am not Batman and that the world does not need saving. Moreover, there is an option for phone calls; I will be called if I am wanted that much.

Then again, my brain screamed, what if some vital, urgent message came? It was tough to tell it to calm down. It is as tough as keeping a teenage girl away from her boyfriend.

 

By noon, I was coming up with flimsy excuses like my Duolingo streak and YouTube Web Dev tutorials. I literally watched it one day; why would I need to continue it today, of all the days?

 

I knew I had to up my game to succeed, and I did what every sane person would do: read the entire novel Kite Runner in six hours. Then, I spent two hours getting over my hangover and writing its book review.

 

I finally realized that it was 8 pm, my curfew was over, and I could return to the digital world.

Oh God, my phone was bombarded with texts.

 

People talked and discussed things, sharing reels and jokes, and the world kept moving. No one seemed a bit anxious that I was phone-dead the entire day.

 

I got a nasty blow on my ego that day.

 Did I chuck my phone away? No.

 

All I learned was that it was all for show. We are not at all connected by our mobiles. Not only me but everyone, even you, are using it as a façade, a mask to put on a fake self forward.

 

In Artificial Intelligence’s grand scheme of world domination, we thought AI was trying to become human, but what if it was a step ahead and turned us into Artificial Dumbness?

 

Scary thought to explore as I pick up my phone again.